I’ve been going through the beginning of a “phase”. Something that makes me want to search clues and hints or maybe even symptoms of becoming a werewolf… Yeah, that bad.
I can attest with certainty I’ve entered yet another important transition phase. I don’t know how YOU spell transition but for me its f-e-a-r. Another transition. Another milestone. Another full pancake flip. Ugh. Again. One to which I have NO idea what lays ahead and what to expect, nor how long it will take to be complete. I’m glad I have this one certainty: I know I have my dude, my Booby with me now, and I know he’ll be part of the new life beyond this transition. That’s a HUGE factor. And one that gives me the courage to take the next steps.
How do I know I’m entering this phase?
- Feel like crying for no apparent reasons: CHECK
- Show up at work (race track) and want to stay hidden in the truck: CHECK
- Having instant flare-ups and wild anger streaks: CHECK
- Starting to doubt everybody and want to start fresh with a whole new circle of friends: CHECK
- Making mental notes of cities I want to live in next: CHECK
- Start looking at job openings in new areas: CHECK
- Feeling self-doubt and inability to see myself in the next 3 months: CHECK
6 months ago I had my very first routine mammo. The routine mammo made me go wammo! I spent 3 (or was it 4?) hours in the clinic progressing from one large plate to a mid large, to a medium, to a smaller finally to a teeny plate the size of a gold coin that should have crushed right through to the other side of me (and women with implants do this too? oh the pain…) Then waited in the waiting room (of course) surrounded by other scared women for more tests (ultrasound). A bunch of cysts are floating around (I never felt them, shouldn’t that be Booby’s job? To feel these things?) After which I was told to come back 6 months later.
I’ve delayed setting an appointment for the past week now. I have an opening in my schedule tomorrow morning, my next opportunity will be in 1-2 months. So what do I do? I call at the end of the day to see if I can be “squeezed” in tomorrow morning, kind of hoping to be told I need to book months in advance. To my great luck and the wonders of this country’s great health care services they can accommodate me. (If I had done this in Canada, the closest appointment I’d get would be 4 months waiting time…)
Life’s too short to be wasted away. I’m so very tired of my current role as a racer chick. Time to move on. I’ve got a lot of plans, a lot of ideas in my little brain and too many other things I LOVE to do to waste my time participating in an activity I have no care for. When I grow up I’m going to run away and join the circus…