What would you change about your life if you could?

Ever wonder why Mama Kat chose a poodle for her image? Is she a kat or a dog?

This week’s writing assignment has thrown me into quite a spin. It’s all about what you wished you had done differently, what you want to change about your life and what you want to do… Perfect timing since I’m in phase one of a major transition… Among her 5 prompts I chose the one above as subject of attack dissertation. My bucket list I established a long time ago, when I was 15 is almost all checked off. Rather than brag about the really cool life I’ve lead so far and all the friggin AWESOME things I’ve done, I chose to talk about where I’m going, or hope to go. Being that I’m all humble and shit.

What would you change about your life if you could?

The one thing I want to change about my life right now is my work. If I could change immediately I would. But that would mean abandoning on people I love mid-way through our racing season. I can’t do that. I work with the person I love the most in the world (Booby is my crew chief, in case you didn’t know, oh and I work on a racecar team, also in case you did not know).

Last October the owner of our team told us it was over. He no longer wanted to race. I was thrilled, exhilarated and scared. “Oh my gosh! What are we gonna doooo?” It became exciting as we started dreaming about buying a 40′ sailboat and living in Mexico on the boat going back and forth between San Diego and Mexico. I started seeing things in my mind of how I was going to make a living in these high touristic areas. Oh the possibilities! Booby was on the internet non-stop shopping for boats and researching mooring fees along the Pacific coastline.

I immediately wrote a press release announcing the owner’s decision recapping the history of our team which I sent to the owner for his review and approval. Three days later, after not hearing peep from him, the owner called us and announced he had changed his mind. We were going racing again in 2010. He hoped we’d stay.

Booby and I stared at each other for the longest time. The sailboat had caught a new direction in it’s sails and was shifting away. He wanted to go racing again. It’s the only thing he’s ever done, the only thing he knows he kept telling me over and over again as he tried to convince himself he could do it another year. I just sat there. Undecided. Sort of. My mind was already made up, I was done. Ready for a new adventure. A new life. Then Booby made a deal with me. He told me to take the time I felt I really needed during the year to make some projects come true, time to work on personal goals. That sealed the deal.

I could take 2 weeks off in February and two more weeks off in April for training sessions in Montreal. With these training sessions done, now all I want to do is dive head first and follow THAT dream. But no, I have to uphold my side of the bargain and responsibilities.

Have you ever been to the Cirque du Soleil? Heard of it? Seen clips of it on YouTube? It’s a circus based on human performers not animals. It’s very artsy. And it’s awesome. Their clowns are inspiring. They aren’t the Barnum and Bailey clowns that have fed kids nightmares and keep feeding grown-ups fears of clowns.

My trainer is THE person who’s responsible for this new thinking process behind the “art of clowning”. She was the CIrque du Soleil’s first clown, hired and trained ALL their clowns for years and years. Now she is my trainer. I’ve been working with her on and off since 2003. Her principles are simple: focus on your happiness, lightness of being, the desire to make people laugh, honesty of emotions, and every time I list the 5 basic principles I always have to forget one of them…  Ugh. Oh yeah, the fifth on is to be open and accept everything that comes your way. I’ve taken her principles and decided they needed to be applied to my life otherwise I couldn’t just zap and apply them when an audience was in front of me. 

It’s a constant work in progress, trust me. The simplest of things are always the most challenging to accomplish.

Will I be a clown with the Cirque du Soleil? Maybe, maybe not. How will I apply this dream and this training to my future plans? In December I spent an evening with a group of street kids of Mexico as I was enjoying street side carne asada. I don’t speak mush Spanish. These kids didn’t speak a word of English. But we exchanged a bunch of goofy little magic tricks. We laughed for hours as Booby sat there and watched us. I love it when I can amaze him! I can see this being a future project. Working with kids in developing their capacity to be the best they can be. And I want to start NOW.

The only way I can start now is with my friends’ kids, my sisters’ kids and any other strangers kids without being accused of pederasting them. So far, I’m the most popular adult in every kid’s life, that I know of. I must be doing something right!

p.s. Check out Jules’ bucket list here!

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5 thoughts on “What would you change about your life if you could?”

  1. I think I would have continued with the separation and divorce like my nagging voice suggested I should. Of course, had I paid attention, I would have realized it was SCREAMING at me.

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  2. Feeling loyal to people you work with while stuck in a job you don't love is a hard place to be! I've been there too many times myself!
    Poppin in from Mama Kat's!

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  3. @ Christy: I think annoying in-laws is reason enough to listen to that nagging screaming inner voice of yours… I feel for you. It sucks. Been there, done that, burnt the fuckin t-shirt.
    @ Mama Holly: Yeah they're fun to do, and to keep up with. I'm proud of the cool stuff I've done, but I may have to add stuff…
    @ Holly #2: you're name is overused! haha, kidding… I'll go check your blog out, thanks for checking me out! hee hee
    @ Mommylebron: couldn't you have convinced your son to go to NYC? I think New York is cooler than Miami… and yeah loyalty mixed with not wanting your work anymore sucks. Thanks for visiting, you're always welcome back! I never lock the doors in my cyber house…

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