Ain’t Gonna Happen

 

Don’t you just love proper grammar?

It was a day like any other. He tells me “let’s go for a little ride”. And I agree. Assuming it’s a quaint little ride within the safety of the harbor. But rather than turning left passed Harbor Island, we headed straight. Straight into the howls of a raging ocean waiting to swallow me whole.

I knew it was rough when he asked me to head downstairs and grab some pfd’s. I stammered back up and he immediately put one on. You know you’re in sound professional hands when he flips the thing over and over and finally gives in “how do you put this thing on?” 

We have the standard dinky little type of floatation devices. Very basic. I don’t know what to say really. Isn’t it obvious how it goes? I mean, even this little baby figured it out. I don’t know if I should laugh or poop my pants from fear as stuff is crashing about down below. I am talking one rough mothawfuckin sea! I am trying to divert myself from excessive fear by watching dolphins dodge dip dive duck and… dodge around us. It didn’t work. Even the dolphins looked afraid.

They did! You’ll have to trust me on this one.

Finally we get the sails back in and with tails ducked between our legs we head back home, to our little dock. And that’s when it happens. My phone rings, it’s a local call. Local call thrill me, since I don’t know ANYBODY here, it can only mean one thing: JOB INTERVIEW! The connection is scratchy at best, but I do hear her ask me if I want an interview. YESSSSSS! I do, of course I do! I can barely understand the rest to which I (almost scream out) email me the details, I’m having a hard time hearing you.

One hour later an email comes in from a yahoo account with an address and a date and time. I look through the places where I’ve applied and none match that address. Plus it’s from a yahoo account? How professional! I google the address.

Not good. I email her asking for details on the position “to help me better prepare for the interview as I’ve applied for a few positions recently”. She emails me back “those are very good questions, please jot them down and so-and-so will be more than happy to discuss this with you”. The questions were basic: who is the potential employer? what is the job?

He tells me to ignore it all and not show up. I’m wanting to go just for fun (and a dam good blog story to boot).  “You don’t have time to waste on shit like that” And here I thought I did… I did email her back explaining how I need details. Her time is valuable and we don’t want to waste it if the job is really not a good fit. Her reply: Life bank and casualty. Or something like that.

I don’t want to work at “or something like that.”

Oh well, back to the ol’ drawin’ board! Maybe my resume needs a pfd!

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16 thoughts on “Ain’t Gonna Happen”

  1. Word up.. they'll also start spamming your text messages. ALSO.. Im glad y'all made it back to safe harbor. When we lived in Florida we had a boat. I had 2 really great days on it.
    The day we bought it… and…
    The day we sold it.

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  2. The dolphins were circling you waiting for you to be thrown from the boat so they could drown you and take your life vests. Apparently PFDs are quite valuable on the dolphin black market.

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  3. I've worked at Or Something Like That and you will surely need a PFD to work there.

    Life Bank & Casualty sounds quite scary. Is this a life or potential death option? Who would really want to deal with the life and death of themselves or others except maybe, GOD himself…Oh WOW, do you have a job interview with…GOD?

    Definitely wear the PFD. Who knows what type of career aptitude tests there will be…plus, safty first, Or Something Like That.

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  4. i put my resume out on monster.com and got spammed with a ton of emails with “Interview this week only.” so annoying especially when you really want a new job.

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  5. @ Holly: sounds like my 2 happiest days (when I got married to the starter husband and when I got rid of him)
    @ Oilfield: you READ my mind, come on over I'll share a cold one with ya!
    @ SD: yeah, I couldn't understand her on the phone, it was all so odd, and I am SOOOOO not a salesperson! (thanks for the pimpin…)
    @ Cecelia: I've missed you ♡
    @ Vinny: she did, she also has a beard, is that good?
    @ Laura: where were you when I needed you? I think they smoke them… those calif dolphins!
    @ becca: sometimes I'd totally settle for boring…
    @ Brian: I know… yet, the stories from such an “interview”
    @ Nari: I need to create a “best comment” award and give it to you over and over and over…
    @ Bouncin: yeah, you know its odd when they call you even if you didn't apply for anything (sigh)
    @ patty: that's the only time it happened, but I'll keep my eyes open and forward all of them to you (x)
    @ Mad: go to an interview and end up fish food! eeks!

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  6. I love how you think: an adventure and/or a job interview all in the name of a good blog story! A girl after my own heart.

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  7. I've spent quite a bit of time on sailboats and was only scared about one third of the time. It will pass as you get better at sailing. Now that Banker and Casualty is really frightning!!!

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