|Simple Dude in a Complex World started this trend…|
This is another edition of a half-assed weekend post. The Simple Dude started this, and I’m such a follower!
As a kid, I loved opening presents. A lot. When we were due for a new package of Q-tips I’d rush in to the job and pretend it was a gift. It didn’t matter if it was clear cellophane, as I’d hold it in my hands I’d shake it and play pretend it was my birthday asking over and over “I wonder what it is? As I’d unwrap it and expose the Q-tips I’d be thrilled: “I love these! Just what I needed!”
I think my 1 gift limit per birthday and Christmas must have been a bit of a letdown, kind of like the Pink Panther cutting out an image of a fried fish in a magazine and slapping it on his grill. But admit, I was a pretty creative kid with a vivid imagination!
And if that wasn’t enough, I’d sit my teddy bears and my dolls around my little table and pretend it was one of their birthdays. The ideal accessory for such a grand occasion was an empty little raspberry plastic crate. You know those little basket type things that’re about 3″ X 3″? I’d stick a kleenex on it covering it up (again, kind of like a birthday present) and decorate it. Place it upside down on the table surrounded by my teddy bears and dolls and voila: a beautiful little birthday cake!
I’d clap my hands and randomly pick who’s birthday it was then sing happy birthday perfectly out of tune. To finish it off I’d cut the birthday boy’s hair. It took me a long time to figure out the fact that it never grew out. All my dolls had crooked hair.
Let’s not talk about the teddy bears… *sigh* they were a sad sight! But I loved them unconditionally.
Is THIS not the perfect picture of a really cute and happy (and desperately lonely, now that I think of it) little kid?
On another note (because now I’m depressed and need to change my line of thought) those full body scanners at the airports do have the perfect name: Rapiscan. It IS pronounced RAPEY-scan. It scans you, violates you and ultimately rapes you. Don’t you think they should have focus group’ed that name?
And yes, I was scanned and violated no less than one week ago. And yes, I did suck my tummy in, thanks for asking. I do want my violators satisfied. I’m fucked up. Anybody got an empty raspberry crate I can borrow?