When The Heck Did THAT Happen???

It has happened. Don’t know when exactly but I know it’s happened. Kind of like watching Robert Redford, do you remember when the switch occurred where he went from one of the most handsome man on the face of the earth to be a grizzly old guy with a leather face? When did THAT happen?

It’s happened to me. Not that I was once the most handsome man on the face of the earth, because well, I’m not a man, and let’s face it – I’ve never been extremely handsome (can we even say “handsome” for women?).  But what I do know is I’ve switched from being asked for my ID when I order drinks to:

  • being called Ma’am from younger chicks;
  • having people not flinch when I tell them my age (trust me, my entire life people have not believed me when I told them how old I was always thinking I was YEARS younger);
  • having all over body pain after working for 17 straight hours at the IndieFest.

OK, so I get bonus points for the roller derby, and the scuba diving… and I do happen to be in pretty good shape, but still.  

I     AM    OLD.

And it breaks my heart.

In other news: can I tell you a secret? Get closer, I need to whisper this… Ssshhhhh! Don’t tell anyone but, I secretly wish mermaids really existed. I do. I honestly do. There, it’s out. And if mermaids existed, I’d be their spokesperson. I’d create a sister Greenpeace league for the protection of mermaids. I would speak their language and represent them outside the water. And my desire to get PADI certification? You got me. I want to explore the seas and see for myself if there is some kind of hybrid existence living underwater.

I hope mermaids aren’t ageists. If so, they would most likely fire me as their rep and hire a younger and fresher spokesperson. That would suck. Maybe I would need to create an age sensitivity awareness program. I couldn’t bear being fired from my beloved mermaids.

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15 thoughts on “When The Heck Did THAT Happen???”

  1. It's happened to me too.

    No one ever cards me any more. One day I was carded left and right, the next day it all stopped.

    WHY?!? WHYYYYYY!?!

    Okay. I'll calm down now. It's cool. Everything's real cool.

    *SIGH*

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  2. dude, i'm with you. no one acts surprised anymore when i tell them my age. i used to get “no way, you look like your low 30s.” gah.

    and the beauty of scuba diving is that its ageless. i generally see “older” (meaning not all 20 somethings) on my scuba trips.

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  3. I just recently watched an interview with Robert Redford and I thought the same thing. When did he get so old? Which in turn made me wonder, when did I get to be 50? I was just 25. It's what you make of it I guess.

    Also, I think dolphins morph into mermaids under the sea. They are too similar and beautiful not to.

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  4. I hate the ma'am word! Well, unless it's from someone on the other end of a leather leash…but I guess that's a different thing all together.

    Lately it's only younger girls that ID me & not the younger guys…this has me a little worried.

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  5. Ug, I totally feel you. However, I have always had people think I was OLDER than I am. It was awesome when I was under age, but now that I'm over age it's not so fun 😦

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  6. First of all, I have given you an award because you are young and vibrant and deserve one. Secondly, I went through that stage and have moved on to the stage where I could care less what age I appear to others.

    I'm whatever age I feel like at the moment. Unfortunately, right now, I feel about 80 *coughs, sniffles and lays head next to keyboard*. I'm not too sick to defend you, however. You still look young and you still live young.

    By the way, if mermaids exist, they would be centuries old, to them, you would be just a baby.

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  7. Well, if mermaids were to exist, then I think there should also be a money tree…and unicorns…but mostly a money tree. Right in my backyard. But I'd let people come to pluck its leaves. No, really. I would.
    PS: I love your writing. It's very engaging and enjoyable.

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  8. @ Mandy: Take deep breaths… iiiinnnnn and oooouuuuttttt… I know. Grr!
    @ patty: They could at least fake it right? Like “Oh my god! Reallllyyyy?” I can handle fake!
    @ Barb: Wanna come scuba diving with me? 🙂 You know you waaant to!
    @ OT: Darryl H looked good in ANYTHING back then! Wonder how SHE looks now? You, help me feel better bout meeself!
    @ becca: I'll let you know if I see any!
    @ Absolutely: Older men love to make us feel wonderful, which is ok, and yes, younger girls know our secret!
    @ Mynx: EEEEEKS! Shave it! Wax it! Laser the shit out of it! 😦
    @ Cake: See, I was the total opposite when I was younger, total opposite, nobody ever believed me! It was hard building a professional relationship…
    @ Vinny: What was that sir? 😉
    @ Nariiiii: thank you. It's not that I care how I appear, it's that I care how I FEEL. And I feel old and sometimes broken. Ouch. Ooh, Mama Mermaid (sounds nice)
    @ Sandra: Hey superstar! Thanks for visiting (which is thanks to Nari) and thank you very much for the compliment. Can I put your feedback on my resume?
    @ Flo: I have my moments… Booby says I should vlog sans mask, so I'll let you guys be the judge of my total appearance (BUT I know I'm nowhere NEAR you in looks though!) and I agree, youth IS wasted on the young! Benjamin Button was so lucky!

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  9. You've got to be really careful with mermaids. After all, their primry duty in life is to lure seagoers to their deaths. You are now a “seagoer.” Be very aware of the sirens sweetly singing…

    “Water woman and a water child. Living underwater is something wild. Fishes swimming in my hair.
    Mermaids singing away my cares…”

    ——-
    As to getting older. I spent so much of my youth in and around the water and deserts and just fried my skin. I'm pretty sure that is what happened to Mr. Redford also.

    Like

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