Life In The Fast Lane

Every day, I wake up, silently pick up my phone next to my bed and take it out of airplane mode. As he lies next to me with his slow morning snores I take a peek at my emails.

Not that it would happen overnight, people who mail out invites to interviews don’t normally do that kind of thing at 3:43 am. But you never know. So I look anyways. Besides, I’m hoping to hear from Prince Jafar and his promised deposits of 4 bulk payments into my bank account.

Fingers crossed the money will come today

I just checked into my bank account. Have been happily prancing around DenialVille with my camera. It’s pretty frightening! The bank account that is, not prancing around DenialVille; there’s nothing frightening about that.  He says not to worry (about the money) but still. I do. I worry. It’s what I do best. Thanks to my dad who left me his capacity to worry as a legacy. That and a kickass Canon E30 camera. It’s nice. The camera. Not the capacity to worry.

So yeah, I lie in bed going over my emails, and playing Sudoku. Last game I played? I was faster than 100% of other players! Take that! I got it. I so got it! Not sure what it is that I got, but if it’s better than 100% of everybody playing sudoku, doesn’t that mean me too? Am I also better than myself? I beat my own self? Ha! In your face Tyler Durden!

Once the snoring picks up a pace and its intensity climbs the wall, I roll out of bed and make my way to the couch. Blink a few dozen times. Starting at a 3″ screen in the dark is not good for my eyes. But, heck who cares I beat my own self at Sudoku. I clear the table of whatever we left behind the previous night (remotes, bag of chips, glasses) and put my computer down.

I blink my eyes again. “Do you see dots before your eyes?” Yes. Maybe you should call me Dottie.

Once online, with my phone connected to the Mac, I do my morning rounds. Look into Sitemeter.com and see if my online resume has been viewed by somebody else other than myself who just beat me at Sudoku. Then I click into my LinkedIn account in search for clues. What’s next? My folder of job search sites or…

Facebook. Hello trusty old friend! Oh my god, Pam had the best vegan raspberry muffin for breakfast! I MUST ask her where she got it. Oh, and Aimee has some bitchin’ boots, I’m so jealous. Awesome, Cat put up her wedding pictures, her tatts look so rad with her sleeveless wedding dress… Some people are so cool…

By then it’s 11 am. My tally:

1. I’ve sent ZERO job applications;
2. My Facebook status is updated;
3. I’ve confirmed my online resume had but 3 hits from unknown sources in the past 2 days;
4. Five people have looked at my LinkedIn account in the past 15 days. Including one “anonymous LinkedIn user“;
5. I haven’t had breakfast, brushed my hair or gotten rid of the dots before my eyes.

As I was bitching about my situation to my poor dear old mother on a scratchy Skype call I noticed an ad on Craigslist:

Social Media Bloggers and Creative Writers Wanted

“Mom – mom, MOM! There’s a job out there for me. Gotta go. Mom, can you hear me? Mom? Hello? Mom! I HAVE TO GO I NEED TO APPLY TO A JOB RIGHT NOW!!!” With a sense of rush and sheer utter urgency I replied to the ad. Listing and detailing exactly how I met their every single bloody criteria.

Friday – the very next day – I got an invitation to a job interview. And no, the email was not sent at 2:42 am but 1:30 pm. Normal hours. People have normal hours. They said I was a perfect match. They said they felt I would be a perfect fit with their organization. They said things that brought tears to my eyes. They put the words perfect and me (who beat me at Sudoku) in the same sentence.

Other than that I’ve been having a blast with my life… No really – I have!

Gotta go, bye!