I always get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. Call it getting old, I can take it. Or call it something else, that’s ok too. Because I am about to give you the best opportunity to think I am as dumb as a doorknob.
So, back to the getting up at night for the bathroom visit. I always ALWAYS do my best to not wake myself up too much because I have a serious falling asleep problem and do a lot of the twist-and-turn-and-I-can’t-sleep-at-night kind of stuff. So, I slowly and carefully make my way to the bathroom without any lights, and do my deed, quickly wash my hands (even in the middle of the night thoughts of pee-pee hands will keep me up.)
In any normal household, this may be challenging, but in a boat – anchored – and rolling left and right the challenge becomes sometimes a bit much. So I really do my best to avoid thinking, and just go on automatic.
See that little vid? Oh my god.
So the other night one of our toilets was plugged up (single ply tissue is very hard to come by, and it is pretty much a must on a boat) so I used the one I never use in the middle of the night. It’s very small and tight. As in knees-slamming-against-the-throat small. So we just open the door full wide until it comes against the wall separating the main galley from the vee birth.
And that video really sums it up.
So because we were at a very rolly anchorage, to avoid having the door slam back and forth I locked the latch. It’s pitch dark, we were between moons. I do my deed in the dark as I said and get back up. I turn the doorknob and nothing.
And I thought Peter Griffin was the epitome of stupidity.
I turn and turn and yank on the door. Nothing. My eyes are still pretty much shut. I’m bumping all over the place with the never ending swells. And I contemplate climbing out the hatch and crawling back to the main entrance to the boat. But it’s rocky. Very rocky.
And I’m half asleep. Eyes closed. Pitch dark. And trapped in my own bathroom.
I ditch the idea of crawling out the hatch because I can’t imagine having to explain to Lee why I fell off the boat in the middle of the night when the bathroom door is locked. So I start banging on the door and yelling for help.
Dumb and Dumber can’t top this.
He gets up. Pushes on the door and says “Well for starters, how about turning a light on” I still don’t really want to wake up so I hesitate the logic of how a light will unblock the door. But still, being the good dutiful wife that I am I turn on the light and then it dawned on me: the door KNOB does not lock on that wall, but the sliding latch 3 inches above it does. I slide the latch and open the door. Rescued once again by Mr Fixer!
As I tried to fall back asleep all I could think of was Peter Griffin trapped in his car. I’m laughing so much tears are pouring non stop. I become hysterical in my giggles and cannot for the life of me control myself. Full body hiccups and tears and giggles all because I was trapped in my bathroom.
I thought our days needed sunshine and laughter. So I offer myself on a plateau to help bring a smile to your day.