I’m Not Normal

Shocking news – isn’t it?

You may read my blog, and feel so wowed by my sheer and utter inner zen and wonder-woman-ish-strength in life, but what you don’t know is how I am in real face-to-face action.

I’m awkward at best. At worst? Insulting and rude. But, you know what? Most times when I’m rude and insulting I’m looking right at you with a big happy smile. Why is that? The smile when I deliver an insult? No, I’m not forced by some weird cult to smile all the time (but if it does exist, email me the link). It’s just that I am so oblivious to what is considered rude and insulting. There. I just said it. I am oblivious.

I’m not mean, I’m just stupid.

And the smile? I like smiling, I’m a happy person. I tried being miserable but it sucked, so I reverted back to the happy bouncy lively person that I am, with a side dish of insult.

I can (for example) ask you “How long does it take to lose the belly after giving birth?” to which you will slap me in my happy smiling face accusing me of calling you fat. Or you can be talking to me about a race, any race, assuming that because of my previous line of work that I’m into that kind of thing to which I will forcibly say “I don’t want to hear about it. I hate racing. All racing. I think racing is stupid.” and then off we go. I’m not insulting YOU, I’m insulting the racing. I’m not telling you to shut-up, I just don’t want to talk about racing. I’d rather talk about farts and poop. See? I’m not normal.

Cricket.

I have no social skills, which probably explains why I’m pretty nifty with social media. Remember WHO is behind the invention of social media: geeks, nerds, weirdos, and what the hell is kik anyways? But I digress, again. When all I want to do is digest (it rhymed in my head, but seeing it written suddenly makes me realize why I’m so awkward).

If we ever do meet in person, and it’s a really big “if” because I tend to shy away from social gatherings unless there is the promise of hot fudge, let me warn you ahead of time: that thing I will say? Because I will say it, something wrong will eventually come out of my mouth (which is better than something wrong going in, but this is not the place to discuss that). Don’t take it personally. If the intent is to insult you, I’ll run off and hide after delivering the punch. I’m a scaredy-cat.

News report in the shocking department over. Let’s talk weather!

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42 thoughts on “I’m Not Normal”

    1. At least I’m making you laugh, for now. Give me a few months. You wait and see, but I have it in print that you think I’m funny and I plan on using it in my self-defense. Ha!

      p.s. thanks!

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  1. Hi, twin. ;-> You know what? I’m not nice. Not interested in being nice. Why? Because culturally that means say what people want to hear, lie if being truthful will hurt the other person’s feeling and the biggie which really burns my ass- be nice because women are suppose to be. Bullshit. Now, I said it. I’m not mean. I simply refuse to blow sunshine up people’s butts because it’s easier. I don’t want easy. I want real.

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  2. INN, hilarious! Probably why I love chatting with you. And you may have said “did she really say THAT?” about what comes out of my mouth a few times too?

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  3. I’m surrounded by people who say the most socially awkward things. I am one myself. I’ve had to explain that “that big kid’s way awesome stroller” is actually his very very specialized wheelchair, and that he may not be able to move his arms or legs. I’ve had to should “Put your damned penis away” across a grocery store. Also, I hate racing, too.

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  4. I get it ..I tend to be the same way but you know what? People that really know me realize that I do not have a malicious bone in my body and sometimes my mouth speaks quicker than my brain!

    I have a really decadent piece of fudge waiting for you right here ………

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    1. Well that’s the thing, people should know I don’t have a malicious bone in my body either! Yet, you would think I was an all out bitch sometimes… 🙂

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  5. This –> “You may read my blog, and feel so wowed by my sheer and utter inner zen and wonder-woman-ish-strength in life…” <– Genius!!! Love that so much!!!

    I use the power of oblivious too. When other people are trying to insult or offend me, or whatever they are trying to do… it takes me a while to realise what they're doing because my mind is always somewhere else, never in the getting offended by the slightest thing mode. Apparently not being easily offended is very offensive to those trying to offend you… or that's the impression they give 😉

    I wonder how my oblivious would work with your oblivious?

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    1. Do you really drink Bourbon? That is so grown-up. I still like mini umbrellas in my drinks… 🙂 and those silences, I hate it when they get interrupted for the mundane!

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  6. I think we would get along famously. It would be refreshing to have a honest conversation with someone and not wonder if I’m missing some nuance.

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    1. We ARE! And we both wear jean shorts, tank tops and flip flops! 😀 But I already told you that on your blog, so I’m being redundant. Proving that I am so socially awkward…

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  7. well maybe when we meet , we should just hug and then eat cupcakes. 😉

    I am not really socially awkward (although the older I get , the less I want to talk to people…I’d rather live in my own head because some people are just SUCH a disappointment) but I understand the need to just insult and leave. That’s much braver than trying to make (pull, cajole, flatter ) conversations.
    😉

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  8. I LOVE THIS. I love not normal people! I have the ability to just zone out and people often think why is she quiet? That’s because I’m visualizing you in some comic scene in my brain…in a funny outfit. Or I make a dry humor remark and no one gets it and I have to laugh the entire time.

    Hooray for smiles! *high fives*

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  9. No matter the words comin’ outta yo mouf (insert Chris Tucker impression from “Rush Hour”), I know the words being typed by your fingers are well-thought-out and usually deeply gratifying. You strike me, my online friend, as a sensitive and caring friend who has always given me the warm fuzzies. So thanks for that, Marr!

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  10. Lol, I was catching up on blogs this morning….and had to commiserate. I am a victim of what I call Word Vomit. Things just spew willy-nilly in person and it’s the reason I love social media and texting. I’m able to filter what I see, but not what I hear/say. God love ADHD. BUT, most of my friends are well aware that I’m blunt, sometimes unintentionally rude, and yet they love me anyway. Be kind to yourself because you’re not stupid…just honest 😉

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