Marie’s Lamb Chops are the Bomb!

Lambs (Photo credit: Andrew Middleton)

Mary may have had a little lamb, a little lamb, but Marie cooked it, Marie cooked it, and then she ate it.

I have a killer recipe for making killer lamb. If you’re looking for a wussy-mint-jelly-suckling kind of lamb recipe, then get the hell off my site. I am talking about a juicy meat lover recipe. Sorry Forrest’s mom, life is not like a box of chocolates. Life is like an apple, and it was meant for me to bite down hard into it.

This recipe is a killer. It’s bombtastic. It’s a oh-my-fucking-lord-my-mouth-is-having-an-orgasm good. Again. Life: it’s an apple.

This recipe works for lamb chops, shoulders, legs, racks, roasts… if it comes from a lamb, then it will give you that mouth explosion you deserve. Do I need to remind you what life is like?

It’s an apple. Open wide. Bite it.

English: Mustard condiment. A french recipe containing Mustard seeds, and vinegar. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The first thing you do is you coat the meat with Dijon mustard. Remember what I said about it not being a wussy-mint-jelly-suckling thing? Coat it entirely with the Dijon. Let it drip Dijon. The more, the merrier. And then bite into that apple again, just for a reminder of what life is supposed to be like. Set the Dijon-dripping-chops on a plate. There’s a lot of mustard isn’t there? Isn’t there? If the plate isn’t also all coated from the excess, then you’re doing something wrong.

Take another bite of that apple.

Sprinkle rosemary on top of all that Dijon. Go ahead. It won’t kill you. Totally cover the whole messy thing with rosemary. Have you swallowed that last bite of apple? Take another one. But this time, bite down into it like you mean it. Pretend it’s somebody else’s apple, and they’re not looking. You want to make sure you get the biggest bite before you get caught, before the apple is pulled away from your tightly squeezing hand, and you may never -ever- get another bite. It may be the last apple in the world.

Once the chops are all sprinkled with rosemary, and dripping with Di-jonnn, set that plate in the fridge. Let it sit there and think about what it’s done. While you let that delicious meat marinate, kick back. Pour yourself a nice glass of Pinot Noir with a hint of Shiraz. Let Pink Martini swoon you with their tasty lounge music.

The best way to cook these bad boys in on the grill. It needs to be really HOT. You want them seared on the outside, and juicy pinkish red on the inside. Oh, what’s that? You prefer eating them well done? Good for you, now get the hell off my site. Lamb is not that cheap minute-steak your mom used to make you when you were a child. Lamb is a sweet delicate meat that does not want to be overcooked. Remember all that spicy Dijon mustard you coated the chop with? Remember it? Of course you do, don’t worry about it. As it cooks, and slightly burns on the grill it transforms itself into something magical.

If it’s too cold, or you don’t have a grill, I’ve got your back covered – use your oven. The sweet part about baking it is, get ready for this, now go get another apple and take a bite! That bottle of red wine I made you open up? It’s not because I’m assuming that if you’re reading this that you’re an alcoholic, well, maybe. Once the chops starts baking, add a little bit of red wine directly into that baking dish of yours. It will mix in with the lamb’s sweet natural juices, and the flavors will be even more explosive in your mouth. Keep in mind what I promised would happen in that mouth of yours… I haven’t forgotten.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Take another bite of that apple.

Here’s my extra added little bonus secret: buy fresh twigs of rosemary. You can bake them with the lamb, but not IN the juices. Place a twig on your plate. Before grabbing your knife and fork, roll the twig between your hands. This is the best part: every time you lift your fork with a tender juicy bite, you will smell the rosemary on your hands.

Take a bite of that apple.

It is… bliss-tastic.