I stopped apologizing for being who I am not too long ago. And these are things that I no longer put up with, so I dare you to say them to my face.
- I hate happy people
- I hate clowns
- Parades are for losers
- I hate morning people
These statements to me are word-for-word equivalent to “I KICKED A PUPPY”. I will be forced to slap you across the face if you ever utter any of these statements to me.
- I hate French people
- So you’re Canadian EH?
- Pardon my French
What the fuck dude! You just met me not three seconds ago and the first things out of your mouth other than your bad breath are these words of hatred? Not only are they racist words of ignorance, but they’re directed right at me! How dare you, did you kick a puppy this morning too? I wouldn’t be surprised if you did!
Pardon my French, what does that really mean? You just said something rude and crass and that is what you are implying by French? I’ll show you what’s rude and crass! Why is this statement acceptable, and used widely by politicians and everybody else? If I don’t tip a waitress would you hear me say “Pardon my jewishness?” Never! But it’s the same fucking thing!
Also, I dare you to catch me saying “eh?” I fucking dare you. And you know what? People from Wisconsin and Minnesota say it way more than any Canadian I know. So there.
I can’t apologize anymore for being French. I certainly won’t apologize for being happy. And clowns are cool, all they want in life is to make you smile you inconsiderate miserable piece of shit!
I write this with oodles of love and cynical humor. I won’t actually slap you in the face, but I may want to suddenly demonstrate some new roller derby move I just learned. I may be small, but I’m all muscle. Snicker. Again, more cynical humor, I’m a fucking 48 year old woman for crying out loud!