Chrystal is the COO and one of the badass geniuses behind The Indie Chicks.
This book is her life story – and its focus is pretty obvious: her sexcapades.
If Sex in the City had a 5th bestie with a sailor’s mouth – it would be Chrystal. And this is why I love her without ever having met her.
Or better yet, take it from the words of one of her friends:
«You’re fucking fun as shit and real as fuck.»
—Star, Unfaithfully Yours.
Don’t let the ribbons and curls fool you – this child was all tomboy! Tomboy in a little miniature Jackass personality kind of way. Poor little Chrystal was tied to sleds, thrown out of trees and forced to catch snakes. She’d do anything to hang out with her big brother!
Chrystal grew up in a divorced home, bounced from mom to dad, and was pretty much raised by a near prison-like boarding school.
«I was woken up at 4am on a Friday morning and escorted to a therapeutic boarding school.»
Rose does not dwell too much on the past, the book promises stories of a “cheating bitch”, and she delivers on the goods. Yet a glimpse into her past certainly helps connect the dots. Her life story should hit the big screens – talk about a roller coaster ride!
A How-To Guide of Sorts
The cool thing about her novel is how she often breaks into a handbook about life. Rose provides tips from how to deliver the best blowjob, to steps in finding Mr. Right (and how it starts with getting rid of Mr. Wrong).
In terms of blowjobs, once she figured it out she had nothing but a total sense of pride in the quality of her work resulting from a self-taught skill.
«And when he came I swallowed it, wiped my mouth
and sat up with a huge grin on my face. If I could have high-fived myself I definitely would have.»
What do you say to that? “Way to go there Miss Queen of the Blowjobs.” It’s hard not to picture her, I’m guessing a near sloppy back-handed wipe of the mouth worthy of a pleased look-at-me-child.
Play By Play Analysis
Chrystal is a sports fan. She watches football – willingly. She’s the chick who’ll call a bunch of buds, and get a crowd together to watch a game. They’ll hammer down shots of Jack Daniels as they cheer and argue. She’s truly one of the guys…
She also analyses sex in the same way. Take for example a threesome. Rose has an entire section where she gives roles to each “player” involved. Reading this part is the same as watching a post match or after game replay.
«As a female there are a few things to consider: The ideal role is “The Guest Star”. As a guest star you are invited into the bedroom of another couple (or ex-couple) and can bail when the harsh light of day arrives along with the aftermath.»
Doesn’t this sound oddly similar to a sportscast? The “guest star” is far better than the “insider”. Broken glass and broken hearts are the result of being the insider in a threesome.
How to Read This?
Pretend she’s actually there with you. You’ll even hear her yelling “Hell no!” so many times, you’ll feel the flecks of spit flying your way. She writes, I assume, in the exact same way that she talks: openly, with animation and loaded with pure raw emotion.
Throw your judgment out the door, and just enjoy the ride!