This is a one-act play. The Me part is played by me. The OCT part is played by the ObamaCare Technician on the other end of the 1-800 call. The mood is actually playful, I like to laugh as an anger prevention tool. It’s very effective.
Me: I got a call from an 866 number asking me to pay my bill.
Me: Thing is, that number is not listed on your website, and I never got anything from you, so I’d like to know what I’m paying.
OCT: What your ID number?
Me: You mean the one I punched in to talk to you?
OCT: Yes mam, I need it to access your file.
Me: blah blah blah [I give him my #]
OCT: Thank you mam.
Me: So how much do I need to pay? Last time I called you guys, about a month ago, I was told I’d get a package in the mail soon, but I haven’t received anything yet.
OCT: Just look at your acceptance letter we sent you, the amount should be in there.
Me: I haven’t received an acceptance letter.
OCT: OK, no problem, the reason why is because you haven’t paid yet.
Me: Ooooohhh kayyyy. How much do I owe you?
OCT: Isn’t it in your package we sent you?
Me: [I look at my phone] Haven’t I told you yet? I haven’t received anything. As in nothing.
OCT: What about your acceptance letter?
OCT: An invoice?
OCT: Let me look into that mam.
[He puts me on hold.]
OCT: I need you to verify your ID # for me.
Me: The one I punched in my phone and gave to you 5 minutes ago? Sure blah blah blah.
OCT: Thank you mam, I’ll be right back.
[He puts me on hold again.]
OCT: Mam, they say you haven’t received anything yet because you must activate your account.
Me: Isn’t that what I did when I called you a month ago, and that’s how I got my ID#? What else do I need to do to activate my account?
Me: [Deep sigh] You said I haven’t received anything because my account hasn’t been activated yet. How do I activate my account?
OCT: [Mumbles like a MTV hiphop Veejay]
Me: Is this a joke?
Me: You’ve got to be kidding me right?
OCT: How else can I help you?
OCT: Have a nice day mam!
Me: But we’re not done! I’ve already incured medical expenses last week because I haven’t received my health card yet!
OCT: You haven’t received your card?
Me: No. That was part of the nothing I’ve received from you.
OCT: Let me look into this mam. Can you confirm your last 4 digits for me?
Me: Do you go through this with everybody?
OCT: No mam.
Me: So I’m special then? blah blah blah [I give him my digits.]
OCT: Thank you mam.
[Again I am placed on hold as I stare at my phone wondering if this is a reverse prank call.]
OCT: Thank you for waiting mam. We’re sorry about your expenses, you should receive a package from us within 5 to 10 business days. Maybe more.
Me: That’s what the guy said the last time, and look where it brought me?
OCT: When did your coverage become active?
Me: May 1.
OCT: And you haven’t received anything yet?
Me: Funny you should ask.
Me: Thank you, I think you’ve helped me enough.
OCT: Oh and you will get refunded for your medical expenses.
Me: Right. Thank you!
PHOTO CREDIT: Wikimedia Commons U.S. National Archives and Records Administration