She Ate a Pastrami Sandwich: What Happens Next Is Incredible!

On a new and unexpected diet, unexpected because this sudden change was unplanned, I stopped eating red meat.

Backtrack: I married an ex-butcher.

Backtrack: That sounded like the title of a horror flick.

He knows his meat.

Backtrack: That sounded… uhm… let’s move on shall we?

I do the groceries, but I don’t buy red meat. My choices are never up to his level of expected quality. He buys the red meat.

No backtracking needed. Phew…

With him working in Iowa since February (Iowa?) I’ve stuck to my shopping routine of simply not buying any red meat. And then a new diet popped into my eating habits. In June I booked an annual physical and my doctor congratulated me on my low cholesterol level. This encouraged me to stick to this new eating habit.

jell-o wrestlingThis past Friday, a bunch of my derby peeps and I decided to go watch some Jell-O wrestling. A – It was for a good cause (homeless teens of San Diego); and B- One of our skaters was wrestling in it. I’m adding an extra reason C- Jell-O wrestling in the heart of San Diego’s gay district? I’d be mad to miss out on this!

Knowing parking is a serious bitch in this hood, a friend and I agreed to ride up there together. On our way we stopped at Wienerschnitzel‘s because I was suddenly craving their hot pastrami sandwich. “I agree” she said, and wanted one too.

We finally made our way inside, checked out the scenery and started getting really excited for what promised to be an amazing evening among friends. And then “Jill, you’re glistening, are you ok?” I asked. She was covered in sweat. “It’s really hot in here,” she said. I explained to her how it was actually rather comfortable. She went outside for some fresh air. A while later my phone buzzed with a text explaining that she barely made it home, she was insanely sick. I put my phone back into it’s pocket and gulped down a 3rd jell-o shot as some jell-o splashed on my face. I was standing right there, on the jell-o sidelines of battle.

It was a jell-o extravaganza!

We yelled, we cheered, we laughed, we ogled (I mean,  skin and jell-o), and then we all  left together. And then it all began to fall apart.

Blurry vision, spinning room, rushes of heat to the head, I was not well. Not well at all. A good friend spotted this immediately “Come on Marr, let’s go for a walk.” I’m not sure how it happened but I felt the timing was appropriate to teach him how to cuss in french. Correcting him, I suddenly dropped to my knees and started losing my gulped jell-o and the hot pastrami sandwich. Oddly enough it all came out much faster than how it came in.

I woke up Saturday morning in my bed thanks to the friend who drove me home. One glass of water and boom, out it went. By 1 pm I had managed to keep down a can of ginger ale and a plain toast. But I was still shaky. I felt like Wile E Coyote after swallowing a bottle full of ACME earthquake pills. I then found out that my friend Jill hadn’t done too well either so my deduction was the pastrami.

This saddened me, and saddens me still as I write these words with shaking hands. Food poisoning blows. It blows even more on a fun-packed weekend. Yesterday we hosted our first ever co-ed roller derby event. I had just enough energy to monitor the penalty box. And then I met up with other great friends for a pirate theme party. Oh and Saturday night I went to the movies with yet another good friend and her two entertaining daughters. Go watch “The Fault in our Stars.”

And in case you’re thinking this is just a bad jell-o shot hangover – you shut your face. Jell-O is your friend. Jell-O is my friend. The only common element to both people who were sick from that night is the pastrami. Die pastrami, die.

S30PBadge (1)This week’s prompt is “it all began to fall apart” pulled from the clever Stephanie at My Write Side.


22 thoughts on “She Ate a Pastrami Sandwich: What Happens Next Is Incredible!”

  1. How does one give up red meat, exactly? I’m confused. These words make no sense to me 😉 Hope you’re feeling better. One the plus side, food poisoning is a great way to shed lose a few pounds.


  2. Two exits – no waiting: food poisoning is the worst… I knew as soon as you wrote “pastrami” and “given up red meat” that the results were going to be explosive! Don’t. Do it. Again…


    1. The problem is that I really love that sh!t… I grew up eating a (what we called) smoked meat sandwich pretty much every saturday when we came home from the groceries for lunch. It’s loaded with happy fond memories. I really do think the no red meat is a good approach though, and being conscientious of my veggie intake is a plus side of it. Red meat and potatoes is just too hard on the system. 🙂

      p.s. if i ever do eat it again, i’ll remember i”m to blame.


      1. Montreal has the best smoked meat and though i try to lead a vegetarian life, sometimes the craving wins! You’re right though, we always remember afterwards how hard it is on the system…


  3. oh goodness….food poisoning sucks…it will mess you up…
    i am insanely jealous though…i have never been to jello wrestling…i think the uber conservative place i live might have a law against it….which makes me want to go all the more….

    dang i love pastrami sandwiches….but i am a bit afraid right now….

    good to see you…smiles.


    1. Well nothing could ever beat that book. But yes. It is worth it, even with today’s hefty ticket prices. The casting (minus the mom) was perfect! Gus was…. GUS!!!! Sigh.


  4. I have had food poisoning a couple of times. On one of the occasions, I swore I was going to die. It is terrible! My advice…
    I’m a recovering vegetarian myself. I couldn’t eat meat with it was cooked and couldn’t look at it when it was raw. Like I said, now I’m recovering and just avoid red meat.


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