One Year Ago Today…

One year ago today I chose to put an end to 10 days of silence by packing my stuff and moving out of the boat. Out of his life.

One year ago today I left him. The man who was my everything.

“You’re leaving me for such a silly argument?” He asked. “Silly enough to not talk to me for 10 days?” I answered back with a question.

I’ve been feeling waves of sadness these past couple of weeks. I’m not sure if it’s because of this anniversary of loss, or if it’s because there’s been so much death in my surroundings, and family illnesses, and then there was this lump I found in a place where we don’t want lumps.

I’ve been doing too much introspection. I need to get out of my head. You know what they say about too much head…

Sorry. I have no idea where I was going with that one.

Dancing has helped me a lot to have my body take over telling ordering my head to shut the fuck up.

I’ve been reading A Journey of Souls written by Dr. Micheal Newton. In this book he shares the many stories of people told under deep hypnotherapy. His hypnosis brings out the person’s soul where he can then conduct an interview with the soul. It’s freakin amazing.

I’m at the part in the book where souls explain the process of life selection.

You know that shitty life you keep complaining about? You picked it for a very specific reason. Chew on that thought!

Life on earth is really about growth, for the soul. We are here with very specific lessons to learn. And sometimes we, as souls, choose harder life lessons to increase the chance of learning, and maximize the growth opportunities.

I have no reason to not believe this book. It ties in so much with what I’ve always felt deep down inside to be essential and true.

I’m also at the part where souls talk about the many soulmates and soul friends and soul gangs we have. And how we get signs that we are coming across a soul we know – a soul brought to us on our path for a karmic reason.

We’ve all felt these incredible encounters. Chance meetings. Instant kismet. Life changing situations and freaky shit. We’ve all experienced them, but were we aware of what was happening as these moments unfolded? And what did we do of these moments, of these people brought to us?

Did we waste them away ignoring them, fearing the exploration would be too difficult and painful? Or did we dive in and explore to the depth of why certain people were placed on our paths at certain points in our lives?

The book also talks about the tragedy of those mistakes in walking away from deeper soul connections because we simply chose to ignore the signs, or were too oblivious to see them.

So yeah…  One year ago today I left the man who was my life. Was there some form of karmic debt in that entire relationship? When I ended things with Roch – my 1st long-term relationship – it was a gut wrenching separation, one that took me years to get over. I sought out a clairvoyant who told me it was indeed a karmic debt. Am I experiencing a 2nd one, 20 years later?

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20 thoughts on “One Year Ago Today…”

  1. Thanks for sharing, I know that’s not always easy. I’m definitely going to read that book. Sending prayers and thoughts of strength and healing to you!

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  2. I think that the end of a relationship leaves you with the same grief and gaping holes as a death. So yeah, it could quite possibly take years to recover. Hang in there, lady.

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    1. I actually remember you saying that to me last year. I’m not comfortable with the notion of “years” but yeah… it’s a bit of a bitch.

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    1. She is a lot me, and she totally needs a new narration to bring her alive again. They say writers do their best work when they’re in a dark phase. Hmmm…

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  3. Sending love and prayers for a full and complete recovery. You’re going to be OK. You are beginning guided one step at a time. Hugs.

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  4. So brave of you to share this deep vulnerable stuff! Soul growth for sure….dunno if “karmic debt” is the most helpful metaphor, but that’s surely up to you:) Remembering our paddle boarding sessions in Mita, Xoxo, Katrin from S/V Lila
    Ps- i’ve started an astrology blog, CosmicWave (yeah, surfer-chica in space:), and there’s a deep Scorpio New Moon today, a quiet rebirth of the soul.. Here’s my musings on the energy, and also a link to another brilliant astro-writers soulnourishing moon message. Some of this may touch you & help you along…
    http://cosmicwaveastrology.com/2015/11/10/new-moon-in-scorpio-treasures-of-the-deep/

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    1. Awesome! I’ll check it out. I’m an Aries. We don’t tend to play extraordinarily well with Scorpios. Is this new moon going to be good for me? Heh. I need to read your post!

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      1. But hey, I’m a Scorpio Moon and Rising Sign and we play really well together! Just getting back to WP now I’m back in Mexico, the cabin had really crappy internet.
        So much to comment on here……
        Getting through change is not a linear process, the feelings of loss and disorientation are crushing at times, but other times it’s as if life is happening so smoothly. It’s a mystery. So I’m sending you some Scorpio energy to encourage all the diving deep for discovery and healing.
        I love that you are reading Journey of Souls. I found it March 1997 in a bookstore/coffeeshop in Ellensburg, WA, of all places. Was passing time between prelims and finals for the NAIA district swim meet my daughter was attending. Sat and read the book for over two hours, almost missed the beginning of the finals! One of the most influential books I’ve ever encountered. I’ve read it, and the sequel Destiny of Souls, about six times each. I think I just cleaned up a lot of karma with various men for about 40 years, and then met Nikk. If he’s a karmic relationship, then it’s joyous and playful karma, eh?

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  5. I have no words of wisdom, sadly. Just commenting as a show of support and to say I’ve been there and it blows. Stay strong, my friend.

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    1. It’s ok Scott. It’s all ok. I’m in such a good place right now in my life. Probably one of the best places I’ve ever been. And I do mean emotionally and the overall state of my life. Then again, I also do mean living in a beach house in San Diego is pretty cushy too! 😉

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