Tag Archives: fear

Fearless? Me? Ha!

I’m afraid of… 

Tearing down shelves at our secret derby house

♒ losing all my hair.
♒ being totally annoying to other people.
♒ getting old – and hurting. Everywhere.
♒ losing my mind by forgetting one word at a time.
♒ that I may be the one we all refer to as “stupid”.
♒ being forgotten.
♒ dying a slow painful death.
♒ evil people.
♒ not finding a job I love.
♒ that I’ll never be good enough.
♒ bees.
♒ being bitten in dark spots when I sleep at night.
♒ bed bugs.
♒ power tools.
♒ doing something wrong that’ll make my boat sink.
♒ my computer dying on me.
♒ rejection.
♒ becoming homeless.
♒ not being liked.
♒ wasting my life away.
♒ missing out.
♒ really smart people.
♒ not dying after going through something unbearably horrendous.
♒ making poor choices.
♒ failure.
♒ being a bad friend, daughter, sister, aunt (notice I didn’t say wife, I know I’m an awesome wife and that Leo is by far the luckiest guy I know).
♒ chasing a dream I cherish because having the dream is better than failing at the dream, and it’s stupid. I know.

Everybody has fears including those who appear as brave as a movie hero facing overwhelming demons. It’s not IF we have fears, but WHAT we choose to do with them. I don’t have enough fingers to count the days where I wished I could hide under my bed (if I had a bed) and assume the fetus position sucking my thumb. Not that I would actually do that. But…

It’s how we choose to face our fears and force them into submission (sorry, don’t know where this Ultimate Fight talk is coming from). If you’ve conquered a fear and looked back with a smile – pat yourself on the back. Better yet, write your own fearless story where you looked at your demon and punched it in the nose. Let me know when you post it so I can come over and read it, I’d love to hear about your conquest.

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This is a Studio 30 Plus writing prompt based on “What are you afraid of?” For some reason I am perceived as a fearless and brave woman. Yet, when I think of myself I see a 5-yr old who was afraid of her own shadow.

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I’m Scared and I’m Crossing the Sea of Cortez

Looks calm…

Leavin’ Mazatlan! Trying to sing that to the tune of Leavin’ Las Vegas just doesn’t work well, does it?

I’d show you the wind and wave maps, but… Weird stick figures. Max 2-metre waves coming from the South-West (hitting from the side with that slight sense of discomfort) and winds mainly from the South at 15 knots – tops. Looks good. (Ohmygodohmygod I accidently wrote god instead of good – hope it’s not a sign of who I’ll meet on my way. Goshdamit now I’ve just jinxed it. I may as well just stay here where the prediction for the next 2 months is thunder storm. Daily. Lightning. Sailboat. Long mast. Attracts lighting.  I’mgettingoutofhere NOW!)

I won’t hide it from you – these crossings scare the bejesus out of me. Wish I could tell you how brave I am. Wish I could tell you I’m all calm, cool and collected. Wish I had a million dollars and a golden lab puppy. But – let’s face it: I’m a chicken-shit, frantic, delusional, loca, shaking-in-her-shorts, puppyless, broke, and jobless chick with nice breath (what can I say – I floss daily).

There. I said it.

Sorry to disappoint you. I’m scared. And will be doing what I always do: face my fears yet again. Wish me luck and keep your fingers and toes and eyes crossed for me for the next 48 hours. Hasta la vista baby! (That last sentence is for my Mexican amigos y amigas. Not that they read my blog. They don’t. I don’t think so. Eeek! I’m rambling. I really am nervous aren’t I?)

Jump

Free images at free-extras.com

Jump and the net will appear!

This is actually the title of a book by Robin Crow. Although I’ve never read this self-help book the title has followed me since 1994. It has shaped my life and given me wings. Jump and the net will appear has given me the strength to do what needed to be done.  Imagine if I had read it?

Bud and Me

Hurricane Bud
Hearing about the oncoming hurricane, we debated over what we should do. Our friends took shelter in a local marina. These are our surfing – paddling – occasional drinking friends from our favored anchorage in Punta de Mita. We figured we’re young’ish, brave’ish, and broke’ish (marina fees = ugh) so we huddled in the bay near the marina, just in case’ish.

***

I’m scared. I’m trying not to be. But I am. I know the storm shouldn’t hurt us. But still. The waves are rocking the boat making us move. More than I wish. They’re hitting the boat hard enough to sound like an alarming slam.

Heartbeat ≈ 91

The rain stops and starts again. When it stops if feels like everything will be OK. But then the rain starts back up again. And with it comes the wind. The wind is not reassuring to say the least.

Heartbeat ≈ 94

This is my first hurricane. They call it a level 2 or something like that. I guess that makes it a mild one. Mild if you’re on land. In a solid home. Made of brick and mortar. I’m not in such a home. My home has a transmission and it floats.

Heartbeat ≈ 97

We’ve already secured the deck as best as we could. Our boards are safely nestled next to our bed. I get to cuddle with my paddleboard. Our vee birth is filled with cushions, pads, canvases, and seats. Our windows are closed. But some with bad gaskets are leaking and dripping. So am I. It’s hot and humid.

Heartbeat ≈ 105

My at-rest heartbeat is on average in the low 60’s. I’m not really moving, other than my running and clicking fingers on the keyboard. I don’t even need to touch my wrist or my neck. My blood is pulsing so strongly all I need to do is count the beats as they pound away in my chest. I’m shaking. I know it will all be all right because Leo said it would. He promised to take care of me.

Heartbeat ≈ 112 

Make it stop. Please make it stop. Please please oh pretty please let me at least get this post out!

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Hurricane Bud hit just South of us. Locals told us this year – there would be no hurricanes. The water is too cold, they said. Any hurricane may form South of here, but will die as they move North, they said.

Bud is the 2nd hurricane to hit East Pacific and we’re only but 10 days into hurricane season. And yes, we’re totally ok. Although I was a bit nervous, this was mainly an almost fictional piece as I tried to best describe an emotion. I will give a piece of candy to the first who can identify the emotion!  ツ

The images of the hurricane are however real and accurate. Freaky hunh?